Hey guys! This isn’t an actual blog post it’s more of a quote. One of the things I like to do is write quotes or at least I try to 😫… I just finished this one last night so I figured I’d post it!!
“Life is incomprehensible. As human beings we try so hard to plan our lives but eventually we learn that plans don’t always workout. We go through phases, were always changing and adjusting. Sometimes the universe will throw us off when it’s all going our way. Sometimes we’re going to find ourselves at a crossroad trying to figure out who we’re supposed to be, and what were supposed to do. We might lose ourselves for a minute trying to meet everyone’s expectations. There will be times when we are going to feel pain and ask why it’s all happening but other times more often than not, there will be moments where we are going to be undeniably happy. Those are the moments to remember because even though life is unpredictable, there will always be those moments that you never saw coming and those moments are worth living for. The rest will fall into place when the time is right, you’ll see, for now just live and love unconditionally and know you’re doing great.”
We are given one life and one life only. It is our job to live it to the fullest and exactly the way we want it. But that can be hard to do sometimes. I have my small insecurities and in fact I’m sure that I’m not the only one. Sometimes those insecurities get the best of you. They have a way of making you overthink. For me, showing the world who I am hasn’t always been easy. I always makeup scenarios in my mind about all the things that could go wrong. I was just scared of letting this part of me out into the world and having it be judged because lets face it, people will judge everything and anything. It takes time to master the whole not caring about what people say/ think attitude. Sometimes you’ll listen to a song that will hype you up or your friends give you a confidence boost but that doesn’t last forever, it lasts a moment. The moment passes when the smallest thing to happen has you second guessing yourself. I mean honestly how many times have we heard people say “just be yourself?” Hundreds of times but its a lot easier said than done.
I miss being a kid. Growing up you never had to worry about anything. You could wear whatever you wanted, like a princess dress or have your belly hanging out of your shirt without being body shamed and everything you did would be totally fine. You could say, act, do whatever and it was accepted. As adults society created expectations so we force ourselves to fit this mold.
My social media is one part of me. I don’t mean the “fake” part of me. I mean the part of me that I’m comfortable sharing. I post about the clothes I wear, my friends, family, the hikes I go on, my fitness journey, places that I traveled to and so on. So what is it that I don’t show the world? My writing for one, I love writing. Writing is how I express myself. I got that from my nonna. When I first moved to the United States we would always write letters to each other even if we talked on the phone everyday. Letters are more personal and more people should do it. This blog is also something I’ve kept to myself even though I have been considering making it public. I like to read poetry, books, I love looking at art. You can’t ever be wrong with art. You just makeup a story as to what you think the painting means and there would be no right or wrong answer. I love taking long drives, I love sunsets and I love seeing the stars. Things that make you feel things and think. Things most people would find boring. There’s a lot more to it but I won’t make this a long post. Being yourself is the only thing that you should be in this world because it’s you. At the end of the day we only have one life and tomorrow is never promised.
I have been getting caught up on the show “This is Us,” a lot of you might know it. If you do, two words, Jack Pearson. Every female on this earth deserves a Jack Pearson. The man is basically perfect besides his small issues.
I for one think it is possible to meet someone like Jack Pearson. Some of my friends don’t. Most of them will say that it’s just a show and unrealistic. That just shows how getting hurt over and over again can take a tole on a person. I understand where they’re coming from though, sometimes I have to remind myself that all guys can’t be bad. I mean the qualities that Jack has are normal. They are qualities that a man should possess if he was raised right. Now a days yes, it does seem almost impossible to meet someone with at least two of those qualities but we have to believe that someone out there has them.
Romantic movies are both realistic and unrealistic. Unrealistic would be where the guy runs to the airport, stops the plane and tells the girl that he’s in love with her and they live happily ever after. Have you seen airport security now a days? It’s not happening. The realistic part is the kind of love that has you wanting to wake up next to that person everyday. A relationship where you both lift each other up, push each other to do better and love each other. Where you can laugh with each other and talk. Life doesn’t ever get boring because you have that one person by your side. I have seen it happen to people which is why I have to keep reminding myself that eventually it will happen to me.
Sometimes having these bad experiences with men especially with how some of them are now a days, it just kills that romance part in you. You almost start to accept the way they are and the way that they treat you out of fear or something (this can be for men too, I know women are just as bad at times). It is scary but you also have to know your worth and chose yourself. Sometimes I feel like I should just go live in the jungle and hopefully meet Tarzan. At least he wasn’t exposed to today’s society or any society for that matter. It’s okay to focus on yourselves and your careers because at least your career wont change the way it feels about you one day and walk out.
If you guys don’t know it yet, I am not a fan of change. In fact, I am terrified of it, mainly because I don’t know what to expect. Change means not being in control and letting things fall into place. Planning has always been my thing even though plans never work.
Change happens every day whether we like it or not. We experience it in every form. I think the biggest way to see change in people’s lives now a days is through their Instagram feed. The way people’s posts change over the years. Whether its a new relationship, a pregnancy, new friends, a new style, a new career or destination. All these events that we share with each other, they all show the changes in our lives. For me, change at this very moment is the person that I am comparing to the person that I was. The end of this chapter in my life means leaving the old me in the past. The me that was dependent on people for happiness, the one that would put herself second to others, the girl who would constantly compare herself, and doubted herself. I guess one day I just woke up and decided that I loved myself just the way I was and that I respected myself enough to know when to walk away from something.
I realized that this perfect romance that I was chasing did not exist YET. Because in order for me to grow old with someone, I have to grow up first. I need to go out and experience life, live out my dreams for ME so that I wont ever have regrets. We live in a weird time to fall in love, things are most definitely not as simple as they used to be. People don’t commit as much, there’s a thing called friends with benefits, people’s feelings change over night, and when things get hard, people walk away. So why fall for someone right now? It took me a while but I finally figured out that I did not have whatever power I needed to turn a boy into a man. It was never my job. You can’t make someone something that they’re not. I grew up believing in fairytales. Ever since we were little most of us have been told that we are princesses waiting for this prince to come and rescue us but in reality we are so much more. We could easily be the fairy godmother to a friend who needs our help. We can be the genie in the lamp when were trying to meet everyone’s expectations all at once but most importantly, we can be Prince Charming because a princess who can respect herself, can rescue herself.
I am weeks away from the biggest change that I have ever had to go through. I am basically leaving what has been familiar to me for years for something new. I just need to push myself. So here I am, leaving my old job, people that became important to me, and seeing how far I can really go. You guys get to come along with me, every step of the way.
Tonight is a stressful night for me. Its the night before my birthday. I know a lot of you are gonna roll your eyes but I’m serious. Getting older is something that has always freaked me out. I am turning 23 years old. Seven years away from being thirty and you may laugh at this but I remember turning 16 and now Im about to be 23. Time goes by way too fast. I think when I was younger I assumed that by now I would have a lot more figured out than what I actually do.
I was talking with one of my friends who just got engaged. She is exhausted. She works two jobs, pays rent for an apartment with her fiancé, just bought a cat and she doesn’t have a lot of time for herself anymore. I guess this is considered “adulting.” I remember us in high school, or sophomore year in college. We were careless. Just living life, not worried about the real world, having fun, no responsibilities and just like that here we are. The two girls who once had extraordinary ideas sitting on a couch exhausted and stressed out about their ordinary lives. Both trying to figure out how to be adults but also trying to live like 22 years olds should.
I always told myself that I wanted more than an office job. I wanted more than to deal with my job, I wanted to love it. I wanted more than to just constantly work, get married and have kids without actually enjoying life. In Italy we have this saying “Il Dolce Far Niente,” the sweetness of doing nothing. I love that saying because sometimes doing nothing is just what someone needs. Enjoying the little things in life. Since coming to the United States I see how work driven people are. In fact many of them don’t take the time to enjoy the little things. They work, they save and that’s it. My friend actually said “I don’t know how not to work,” I guess I just always wanted more. I wanted adventure, to feel something exciting, I wanted to see things and learn things. I wanted and still want to change the world, and save lives. Obviously I can do those things now that I graduated but its scary. That first step is always scary. You get overwhelmed trying to figure out where to start. I come from a family that has sacrificed a lot for the younger generations (my cousins and I). I was the first to graduate college and I will be one of the first to take that first step into the world on my own.
Now that the holidays are over I will write more. I have so many things to say honestly but today I am going to go enjoy my birthday !!! Well in a few hours because its midnight right now.
Ahhhh finals that amazing time of the year where my stress level is so high it feels like I am about to have a panic attack every thirty seconds. This isn’t just any regular end of the semester for me, these are my last finals as an undergrad student. Basically if I don’t pass these finals I am screwed. Obviously everyone tries to reassure me. They say that everything is going to be fine and that’s sweet and all but they are not the ones going through it. I have twenty different assignments due on the same day and on top of that I have to study for exams. Exams that are scheduled on the same day! How twisted are these professors?!
This week is so much unnecessary stress. These professors wait to give out guides at the last minute not to mention assign homework….let me just throw myself out of a window while were at it, it might hurt less. If you’re like me you will start to think about everything that could go wrong, about backup plans like running away to Aruba and opening a surf shop. You think of everything that still has to be done and studied for and that is how stress increases. But the main thing for me is that I want this for myself and for my family. We waited so long for this, it cannot blow up in my face. I hate the feeling of disappointment.
If finals weren’t bad enough they make you wait like five extra days for official grades to be posted. But I figured I would share some tips with you guys if you are stressed about finals. Tips that have helped me a lot in the past.
1) Take a break or two. If you feel like your head is going to explode turn on something funny on TV and just take a minute to breathe. I always watch ‘Friends,” that show always has me laughing.
2) Eat some chocolate, this might just be my thing honestly but chocolate always puts me in a better mood.
3) Listen to music, in my opinion music fixes everything (for a short period of time).
4) BE POSITIVE, I’m going to tell you guys something a little embarrassing but what’s been helping me a lot is listening to subliminal videos. Its a video with positive affirmations playing in the background mine is to manifest passing my finals. It may sound silly but the sounds in the video calm me down and I become more positive instead of negative and overthinking every detail. I am the queen of overthinking which is a terrible habit.
5) Working out!!! This helps me a lot, running while listening to music always helps me to relax.
6) Reassure yourself, I try to tell myself that I am not the only one going through this. That we are all in this together.
Unfortunately I do not have the calm and peaceful attitude that most people have. I don’t just think positively all the time and wake up like Cinderella with birds singing and everything being peachy. I am a very stressed out person at school. Anyways enough about that. I am gonna go re read my study guide!
Ill be posting probably on Thursday once my finals are over because I do need to focus but wish me luck guys! I’m going to need it.