Reality and Fantasy

Tonight I don’t really think I have an exact point that I am trying to make. It’s more of a thought that I have been wondering about so I thought id write about it. Basically we were hit with a pretty big snowstorm in upstate NY. This meant spending a lot of time in my room, thinking. Something that I have been avoiding for a while because I am in no state of mind to be thinking freely. I am currently trying to make myself a stronger woman and It is a working progress. Letting go of the toxic things and people in my life one day at a time without overthinking every detail which I am still trying to master.
I have been getting caught up on the show “This is Us,” a lot of you might know it. If you do, two words, Jack Pearson. Jack is most definitely what I want for a husband. Every female on this earth deserves a Jack Pearson. He is caring, sweet, sensitive, brave, strong, compassionate. The man is basically perfect besides his small issues. When I am watching this show I forget about reality. I forget for a split second where I am, my problems and what my life is. I just feel my heart beating faster, my eyes tearing up from everything that man does for his wife, family and people around him and I just feel so happy.

When an episode ends I just sit there thinking about how amazing this guy is and how I wish I could meet someone like him one day. So this is when reality sets back in. I for one think it is possible to meet someone like Jack Pearson, not the exact person but close. Some of my friends don’t. Most of them will say its just a show and that it only happens on TV, not in real life. How sad is that? This just shows how getting hurt over and over again can take a tole on a person. A tole that has them believing that love, real love only happens in movies. I understand where they are coming from because sometimes I have to remind myself that all guys cant be bad. I mean the qualities that Jack has are normal. They are qualities that a man should possess if he was raised right. Now a days yes, it does seem almost impossible to meet someone with at least two of those characteristics but we have to believe that someone out there has them.
It’s strange because a part of me craves this movie romance. Not the unrealistic kind where the guy runs to the airport, stops the plane and tells the girl that he’s in love with her and they live happily ever after. I mean have you seen airport security now a days….it’s not happening. What I would like is the kind of love that has you wanting to wake up next to that person every day forever. Where you both lift each other up and love each other unconditionally. Where you can laugh and go out on adventures. Life doesn’t ever get boring because you have that one person by your side. I have seen it happen to some people which is why I have to keep reminding myself that eventually it will happen.

Sometimes having these bad experiences with men especially with how some of them are now a days, it just kills that romance part of you. You almost start to accept the way they are and the way they treat you out of fear or something. I don’t know how to explain it. I will smile thinking of this made up romance I have going on in my mind until reality hits and I’m back to just having to remind myself that they cant all be bad. I mean hey I am even willing to give that crazy Joe Goldberg a try if he presented himself (YOU reference, show on Netflix). Okay maybe not, yes he was sweet but he was even more psycho and that is not a good mix. Sometimes I feel like I should just go live in the jungle and hopefully meet Tarzan. At least he wasn’t exposed to today’s society or any society for that matter. Right now I am currently working on starting my career because at least my career wont change the way it feels about me one day and leave me. For now I will also keep fantasizing about Peter Kavinsky, Jack Pearson and all of my other on screen crushes. Goodnight guys!

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