Looks like Nicholas Sparks was right. There really are good guys out there and dating one is absolutely mind blowing. Mine was right under my nose for years but it took me this long to finally figure it out. I guess you could say we were friends before being anything serious, which isn’t a bad thing.
I realized that a good guy is actually someone that gives you simple things that make you feel everything. Coming from someone whose used to dating liars, players, and outright jerks, finding a guy who’s a sincerely decent human being and great partner is the best thing since sliced bread. This is a feeling everyone deserves to feel.
I finally met this amazing guy who doesn’t belittle me, who listens to me, who wants to be a part of my life and dreams and who I don’t ever have to second guess. Someone who matches my personality and adds to my life. Someone I can talk to, who makes me laugh and tries his best. Someone that is patient and understanding with me and of my past. That notices the little things about me that I never thought anyone would notice. I’ve never been one to want to share experiences with another person but with him it’s different. I want him there for every adventure, every moment. I wish I could describe what it feels like to be near him. To hear him sing, how it feels when I hold on to him even if sometimes he hates it at times. How it feels when he talks about his future and he mentions me in it. I’m finally with a person that I can openly talk to without being scared to get yelled at. Someone that lets me wear whatever I want without judging. Who doesn’t get mad if I go out with my friends. Someone who actually makes me so happy that I forget what being sad even feels like
It’s crazy what being with the wrong people can do to you mentally. I started to ask myself if what I was feeling really was love. Honestly I think it is. I could never in a million years imagine hurting him. Truthfully I don’t even want to imagine my life without him in it. He makes it better, he makes me better. I have no idea what is going to happen in the future but for the first time I don’t even want to know. I just want to enjoy every moment in the present.
I know what you’re all thinking reading the title but let me explain the whole story.
How it happened : With this whole virus mess going on the grocery stores are very low on meats. The only thing that was available that day was steak. The steak wasn’t exactly new but it wasn’t expired either. Fast forward to 4 hours later, my stomach began hurting. I didn’t think much of it until I woke up at 6 a.m. with the worst cramps and the sudden urge to throw up. Gross I know, I’ll spare you the details but I basically it was like the scene from the exorcist where the girl throws up everywhere. I didn’t want my boyfriend to know (it wasn’t my best moment) so I tried throwing up in silence … you have no idea how hard that is. I finally laid back down hoping it would all go away when I woke back up.
A few hours later: I felt amazing and refreshed….just kidding. I felt awful. I’m actually the type of person that could have the worst headache or pain and I will play it off like I’m totally fine. He had no idea what was going on so we started watching a movie. It was all okay until that sudden urge to vomit came back up. I calmly got up as if I was just going to use the bathroom. As soon as that door shut I sprinted to the bathroom and did what I had to do. Two minutes later walked out like nothing had happened. At that point I just wanted to remain laying down and not move which was the plan until his sister reminded us that we had lunch plans with their parents. I think I went into shock for a split second. I mean this had to be the worst possible timing. I had been dying to meet his stepmom and dad. I couldn’t just back out last minute ! I mean could have since I had a valid excuse but I just didn’t want too.
Getting ready: I got up and told him I was going to go home and get ready and that I’d be back in an hour. I really wish you guys could have seen me in my bathroom. After throwing up another two times and having showered, I went to go do my makeup. I couldn’t stand for too long so I grabbed a mini stool and just sat down with a small mirror to do it. By the end of it I looked pretty decent for someone who had been throwing up for hours now. I was honestly so nervous thinking that I might throw up in front of them if I tried to eat anything but I looked in the mirror gave myself a pep talk, gave my stomach a pep talk and took my chances.
The lunch: Once we got there, I hugged them and kept it totally cool, calm and collected. I was making conversation it was all going smoothly…. until the food came. They had ordered family style spaghetti and meatballs, 4 cheese pasta, sausage covered in sauce and for dessert a four layer chocolate cake. My pep talk went right out the window at that very moment. All foods to make someone with food poisoning want to throw up even more. I put one tiny piece of sausage in my mouth… just one…. and there it was, the urge to throw up. I excused myself to the bathroom, walked as if nothing was wrong and two minutes later walked back like nothing had happened. I’m telling you guys I really impressed myself.
In the End: At that point there was no way I was going to eat without throwing up so I decided to tell them and it turned out to be totally fine because even his stepmom wasn’t feeling great. So it all worked out for me and a few hours later I felt a lot anyways.
Hope you guys enjoyed this! Figured with all this free time being home that I could write short stories like this one. Let me know 🙂
Do you ever feel like sometimes your heart is settling? Think about it. Deep down you know you deserve better but you still stay. Maybe because out of all the bad days they show you one good one and you think they might be coming around. But they don’t and you’re right back to being hurt. You know that they aren’t worth it but you still give it everything. The whole situation is exhausting and you end up hating yourself for it. So why is it so hard to pull away? Is it because we want something so badly that were willing to hurt ourselves over it? Because in all honesty we might be happier letting go of this person that isn’t doing much for us. Maybe it’s the fear of starting over. Maybe we don’t want them to find someone better even though let’s be real there is no one better than US. It’s so easy for those people to put you second but here you are always putting them first. One second you’re angry and crying telling yourself you wont answer and the next you’re getting in your car picking up food for them in freezing cold weather. It’s completely ridiculous and we know it but we do it anyways.
I am not an expert on “love.” I’m not even really sure I have ever felt it but I think I know what it’s supposed to feel and look like. It’s not always easy but it’s persistent and on going. A lot of us seem to forget that key word, love. We meet people and some of us mistake red flags for butterflies. We stay in situations that end up hurting us and sometimes we don’t even realize it until were completely drained. It’s crazy isn’t it? How easy our happiness can be killed but how hard it is to kill our sadness. I always hear people say that happiness is a choice and that very well could be but you also cant help the way you feel or how long you feel it for. That doesn’t mean that you give it power over you but that you’re human. Pain demands to be felt.
I couldn’t tell you why we have this settling behavior. Some might say low self esteem, low self respect or daddy issues. All of which could have something to do with it but maybe not. Maybe we just get to a point where we want to find that person that brings us peace. I don’t think anyone really has the answer honestly. What I do know is once a person has really had enough they finally let go. Sometimes walking away might be just as hard as staying but at least when a person walks away the pain is temporary and you really do come out stronger. If you are lucky enough to meet someone that is genuine, let them know how much they mean to you. I actually learned that when someone means something to you there is a part of you that becomes terrified of losing them. That emotion makes you completely shut down but you have to let them know what they mean to you. Even if it leads to pain because remember that you’re human and alive. Pain is just a part of it.
Hey guys! This isn’t an actual blog post it’s more of a quote. One of the things I like to do is write quotes or at least I try to 😫… I just finished this one last night so I figured I’d post it!!
“Life is incomprehensible. As human beings we try so hard to plan our lives but eventually we learn that plans don’t always workout. We go through phases, were always changing and adjusting. Sometimes the universe will throw us off when it’s all going our way. Sometimes we’re going to find ourselves at a crossroad trying to figure out who we’re supposed to be, and what were supposed to do. We might lose ourselves for a minute trying to meet everyone’s expectations. There will be times when we are going to feel pain and ask why it’s all happening but other times more often than not, there will be moments where we are going to be undeniably happy. Those are the moments to remember because even though life is unpredictable, there will always be those moments that you never saw coming and those moments are worth living for. The rest will fall into place when the time is right, you’ll see, for now just live and love unconditionally and know you’re doing great.”
We are given one life and one life only. It is our job to live it to the fullest and exactly the way we want it. But that can be hard to do sometimes. I have my small insecurities and in fact I’m sure that I’m not the only one. Sometimes those insecurities get the best of you. They have a way of making you overthink. For me, showing the world who I am hasn’t always been easy. I always makeup scenarios in my mind about all the things that could go wrong. I was just scared of letting this part of me out into the world and having it be judged because lets face it, people will judge everything and anything. It takes time to master the whole not caring about what people say/ think attitude. Sometimes you’ll listen to a song that will hype you up or your friends give you a confidence boost but that doesn’t last forever, it lasts a moment. The moment passes when the smallest thing to happen has you second guessing yourself. I mean honestly how many times have we heard people say “just be yourself?” Hundreds of times but its a lot easier said than done.
I miss being a kid. Growing up you never had to worry about anything. You could wear whatever you wanted, like a princess dress or have your belly hanging out of your shirt without being body shamed and everything you did would be totally fine. You could say, act, do whatever and it was accepted. As adults society created expectations so we force ourselves to fit this mold.
My social media is one part of me. I don’t mean the “fake” part of me. I mean the part of me that I’m comfortable sharing. I post about the clothes I wear, my friends, family, the hikes I go on, my fitness journey, places that I traveled to and so on. So what is it that I don’t show the world? My writing for one, I love writing. Writing is how I express myself. I got that from my nonna. When I first moved to the United States we would always write letters to each other even if we talked on the phone everyday. Letters are more personal and more people should do it. This blog is also something I’ve kept to myself even though I have been considering making it public. I like to read poetry, books, I love looking at art. You can’t ever be wrong with art. You just makeup a story as to what you think the painting means and there would be no right or wrong answer. I love taking long drives, I love sunsets and I love seeing the stars. Things that make you feel things and think. Things most people would find boring. There’s a lot more to it but I won’t make this a long post. Being yourself is the only thing that you should be in this world because it’s you. At the end of the day we only have one life and tomorrow is never promised.
I have been getting caught up on the show “This is Us,” a lot of you might know it. If you do, two words, Jack Pearson. Every female on this earth deserves a Jack Pearson. The man is basically perfect besides his small issues.
I for one think it is possible to meet someone like Jack Pearson. Some of my friends don’t. Most of them will say that it’s just a show and unrealistic. That just shows how getting hurt over and over again can take a tole on a person. I understand where they’re coming from though, sometimes I have to remind myself that all guys can’t be bad. I mean the qualities that Jack has are normal. They are qualities that a man should possess if he was raised right. Now a days yes, it does seem almost impossible to meet someone with at least two of those qualities but we have to believe that someone out there has them.
Romantic movies are both realistic and unrealistic. Unrealistic would be where the guy runs to the airport, stops the plane and tells the girl that he’s in love with her and they live happily ever after. Have you seen airport security now a days? It’s not happening. The realistic part is the kind of love that has you wanting to wake up next to that person everyday. A relationship where you both lift each other up, push each other to do better and love each other. Where you can laugh with each other and talk. Life doesn’t ever get boring because you have that one person by your side. I have seen it happen to people which is why I have to keep reminding myself that eventually it will happen to me.
Sometimes having these bad experiences with men especially with how some of them are now a days, it just kills that romance part in you. You almost start to accept the way they are and the way that they treat you out of fear or something (this can be for men too, I know women are just as bad at times). It is scary but you also have to know your worth and chose yourself. Sometimes I feel like I should just go live in the jungle and hopefully meet Tarzan. At least he wasn’t exposed to today’s society or any society for that matter. It’s okay to focus on yourselves and your careers because at least your career wont change the way it feels about you one day and walk out.