If you’re reading this you’re hurt or you have been hurt at some point. I have been hurt, I’ll admit it. I was hurt from all types of things but the main cause of it was love. Why should I let love hurt me? The answer is simple, I care too much.
Having a big heart means that you are prone to a whole world of hurt in a lot of things, especially love. You meet these people who come into your life and because you are you, you let them in. You slowly let them remove one layer at a time until you find yourself vulnerable. This person that you have trusted now has the power to completely destroy you if they wanted too. You give them that power because you still believe in something amazing. Unfortunately not everyone in this world has a big heart. Some are just there to suck the energy out of you until there is nothing left and they disappear. It took me a while to realize that there really are bad people in the world and that a lot of them are great at hiding it.
My heart has been bulldozed countless times by people who I didn’t even think could be capable of hurting me. But every time I would pick myself up, and try to trust again. You would think id be used to the pain by now, but nope. The one thing that amazes me is that no matter how hurt I have been in the past, I still let people in. I give them the benefit of the doubt. Ignoring all signs and listening to meaningless words with no actions to follow.
I’m slowly learning ….very slowly. I know some people will say that I have done it to myself but I cant help it. I really believe genuine love is out there. I just wanted to feel something. Something other than disappointment. I wanted to know that it was possible to feel at peace and happy with another person. I can be happy and at peace on my own, anyone can but with another person? That is the real challenge of this day and age. Relationships just aren’t what they used to be. When you care too much you almost forget how much you are doing for others. You forget until you realize that you have lost yourself trying to make someone a better version of themselves. You put so much time and effort into people, believing in them that you set yourself up to being hurt. You alter yourself trying to make another person happy because they have convinced you to do so. When in reality you shouldn’t have to change. The right person will accept you for you. The sad part is that most people start to think that its normal to settle and change. But it’s not and one day the wind is knocked out of you because when you least expect it that person you cared so much for is gone. You did everything and anything for them, you belittled yourself and put your pride aside for someone to take advantage of you and leave with a part of you.
Let me tell you this, we may care too much and maybe it is our fault but I would rather be the one hurting than being the person who caused pain on another. When you are left hurt and trying to pick yourself up, think of it as ruins. Ruins may look broken, hopeless and sad but they aren’t, they lead to beauty. Just look at Rome or Greece, people from all over the world come to see the ruins and they are breathtaking and beautiful. Just like us, something beautiful will come out of this, I have to believe that. Don’t ever let the vampires take your light away. They will always be cold souls but you? No way, your light will shine again, it may take time but it will.
We’ve all been through this at some point. When all our friends are in happy relationships and there you are the next Bridget Jones. Now being single is not a bad thing at ALL. This is actually the first time that I have been single in a while and it’s taking some getting used to. Being single does get a little lonely sometimes especially when you go out with your coupled up friends.
On Friday I met my friend Jenna and she was telling me about this guy she met, Tom. She was going on about how well he treats her and how happy she is so of course Im happy for her but a part of me could not help but wonder why I never met decent guys. I know you guys probably think I’m being dramatic but ask my friends, I have had some very controlling and toxic relationships. I’ve dated the nerdy guys, the muscular guys, what seemed like the nice guys but I always ended up hurt. This isn’t me losing hope or anything but its hard to stay optimistic. Anyways, Jenna went on to talk Tom and how much she loves him meanwhile I was downing a whole pizza by myself and pounding back cocktails because I could not relate. It’s an odd feeling, you’re happy for them but at the same time you wish it was you being all happy about a great guy.
Later on we moved to some arcade near by. At that point I was tipsy and killing it at skee ball but that didn’t stop me from ordering another drink. As we were sitting waiting for our drinks, it happened….more of our cuffed friends came along. Again there I was downing my cocktail like it was water while listening to how great their boyfriends were, how amazing it is to live with them, and all these future plans they had. I didn’t think it could really get much worse at that point…. until it did. As they were making plans to go on these triple dates, one of them actually looked at me and said ” Em, how is your love life going, anyone special?” I wish you guys saw my face at that very moment… I looked at her and said ” Nope, I was dumped over text by my boyfriend of one year and I was recently shut down by a guy who may or may not have the peter pan syndrome.” I don’t know why I love making things awkward by telling people way more information than they probably wanted to know. At that very moment I got the exact reaction that I was expecting, silence followed by the awkward “oh” response but don’t worry she went right back to talking about her relationship.
Usually when your friends are finally tired out of talking about their boyfriends they turn their attention on the single friend, in this scenario, its me. This is the part where they try to set me up. Jenna had this one friend named Joe. Joe was a dad, who was bald, lived on a ranch and worked at the post office. Now I did not except a Brad Pitt or young Johnny Depp look alike but come on. I know I should lower my standards but I dated guys who were in shape, guys who weren’t in shape at all, those who went to college and those who did not go to college. Just once I would like someone that meets my standards, I don’t think I’m being selfish when I say this.
And that was my Saturday night, See you next post.
Welcome to my small corner of the internet!! I’ve been wanting to start a blog for a very long time. The more things started happening to me, the more I wanted to share my experiences with the world and write about them. Mainly so I wasn’t the only one laughing at my poorly scripted life. I cant complain too much about my life, Ive been pretty lucky with a lot of things but just like everyone else I go through things. This blog is going to be about a lot of things including my feelings, experiences, and things I will probably experience. I will try to give you guys advice and you can give me some of yours. Feel free share your stories with me whether it may be in the comments or through email. I am always happy to meet new people. There is no easy way to get through life. There are no magic spells or special instructions. Trust me, I looked but when you go through it with other people it just makes it easier and more fun. So here we go… Welcome to my virtual life ! See you guys on my first official post!
Dream without fear. Love without limits.