Great Until They Have to be Great

Hey guys! Its been a while since I posted something for a few reasons. The main one is because I’ve been studying for my GRE. Today’s post might be a little different. I just want to talk about something that I realized over time.

As some of you know I am 23 years old. Yes, that’s young but old enough to understand certain things. I follow this page on Facebook and it has a lot of quotes that people relate to. Mainly people who have been hurt. I kept reading the comments and realized how many women were actually suffering and dealing with the same type of guys and bad situations, trying to get themselves back up. We’ve all been through it, some of us a lot more than others. The majority of guys my age are terrifying. It’s like they woke up one day and realized that they no longer wanted to play with toys, they wanted to play with people. Most women are in fact seen as toys to them. It doesn’t matter how bad they hurt you, if they dont care, they don’t care.

This brings me to my next point, I realized something about myself. Something that I probably was trying to avoid for some time now. Part of me has been missing. One thing that I do know is that the older I got the more I realized that I had to slow down and get some self respect. Not to jump into a relationship so fast. I honestly think I tried moving on so fast because I didn’t want to feel pain. Losing someone that means a lot to you is a horrible pain. The wiser me finally understood that. I met guys who turned out to be total jerks, like on a whole other level. Right now I’m still working on healing myself completely, one day at a time. I am no longer letting myself suffer over the same guys. The ones who use women to get what they want until they are done. The guys that know the right things to say and do, to keep you hanging on. You don’t even see them coming or what hit you when they leave. I’m basically here to say that yes, it hurts. You feel anger, you feel sad, confused, you want answers and apologies that you probably wont ever get but its okay.

It’s okay to want them to hurt just as bad as they hurt you but don’t! I am such a strong believer that those who have hurt us get what is coming to them. This is also a reminder that you don’t always have to be strong, you are allowed to have bad days. You can be upset and cry about how things ended. I have my “why me” moments and cry sessions. Sometimes I even get annoyed hearing “Just focus on yourself” or “you’ll meet someone eventually.” Not because it’s not true but because my heart was just stomped on and I don’t want to hear it. We’re humans we can’t be brave and strong all the time. I am telling you though being hurt as much as I have been makes you tougher. You start to realize that not all compliments are genuine, most of them will just say anything for one thing…..Which brings me to the following, DO NOT give it up so quickly. If they do only want one thing you are going to be hurt even more when you give it up and they disappear. Although you do have those few people who will chase you for a long period of time and when you do give it up they leave, like it was some kind of challenge. Words are just words, it sucks but it’s true.

All of us go through it, we let ourselves have hope and get completely blind sided. We all know the struggle of trying to forget someone. Asking ourselves millions of questions about what they are doing, if they’re sorry or feel bad, who the next victim is, if they ever even cared in the first place or if Karma hit them. Nothing can really stop those lousy feelings immediately. Just remember that there is life after that person. They are just bruises not tattoos. Bruises are temporary, they eventually fade. Self respect and self love are a must and most importantly, don’t ever go back. Those people know how to drag you back in, ignore them. I know it’s hard but delete them off of your social media, block their number basically anything to keep them away. I couldn’t for a while so I know it’s hard. I was never strong enough to say no until today. Be strong. It was never about you so don’t blame yourself, they are the problem. You just keep doing you!

 

 

Changes

If you guys don’t know it yet, I am not a fan of change. I am terrified of it, mainly because I don’t know what to expect. Change means not being in control and letting things fall into place. Planning has always been my thing even though plans never work.

Change happens every day whether we like it or not. We experience it in every form. I think the biggest way to see change in people’s lives now a days is through their Instagram feed. The way people’s posts change over the years. Whether its a new relationship, a pregnancy, new friends, a new style, a new career or destination. All these events that we  share with each other,  they all show the changes in our lives. For me, change at this very moment is the person that I am comparing to the person that I was. The end of this chapter in my life means leaving the old me in the past. The me that was dependent on people for happiness, the one that would put herself second to others, the girl who would constantly compare herself, and who doubted herself. I guess one day I just woke up and decided that I loved myself just the way that I was and that I respected myself enough to know when to walk away from something.

I realized that this perfect romance that I was chasing did not exist YET. Because in order for me to grow old with someone, I have to grow up first. I need to go out and experience life, live out my dreams for ME so that I wont ever have regrets. We live in a weird time to fall in love, things are most definitely not as simple as they used to be. People don’t commit as much, there’s a thing called friends with benefits, people’s feelings change over night, and when things get hard, people walk away. So why fall for someone right now? It took me a while but I finally figured out that I did not have whatever power I needed to turn a boy into a man. It was never my job. You can’t make someone something that they’re not. I grew up believing in fairytales. Ever since we were little most of us have been told that we are princesses waiting for this prince to come and rescue us but in reality we are so much more. We could easily be the fairy godmother to a friend who needs our help. We can be the genie in the lamp when were trying to meet everyone’s expectations all at once but most importantly, we can be Prince Charming because a princess who can respect herself, can rescue herself.

I am weeks away from the biggest change that I have ever had to go through. I am basically leaving what has been familiar to me for years for something new. I just need to push myself. So here I am, leaving my old job, people that became important to me, and seeing how far I can really go. You guys get to come along with me, every step of the way.