We are given one life and one life only. It is our job to live it to the fullest and exactly the way we want it. But that can be hard to do sometimes. I have my small insecurities and in fact I’m sure that I’m not the only one. Sometimes those insecurities get the best of you. They have a way of making you overthink. For me, showing the world who I am hasn’t always been easy. I always makeup scenarios in my mind about all the things that could go wrong. I was just scared of letting this part of me out into the world and having it be judged because lets face it, people will judge everything and anything. It takes time to master the whole not caring about what people say/ think attitude. Sometimes you’ll listen to a song that will hype you up or your friends give you a confidence boost but that doesn’t last forever, it lasts a moment. The moment passes when the smallest thing to happen has you second guessing yourself. I mean honestly how many times have we heard people say “just be yourself?” Hundreds of times but its a lot easier said than done.
I miss being a kid. Growing up you never had to worry about anything. You could wear whatever you wanted, like a princess dress or have your belly hanging out of your shirt without being body shamed and everything you did would be totally fine. You could say, act, do whatever and it was accepted. As adults society created expectations so we force ourselves to fit this mold.
My social media is one part of me. I don’t mean the “fake” part of me. I mean the part of me that I’m comfortable sharing. I post about the clothes I wear, my friends, family, the hikes I go on, my fitness journey, places that I traveled to and so on. So what is it that I don’t show the world? My writing for one, I love writing. Writing has always been how I express myself. My nonna got me started. When I moved to the United States we would always write letters to each other even if we talked on the phone everyday. Letters are more personal and more people should do it. This blog is also something I’ve kept to myself even though I have been considering making it public. I like to read poetry, books, I love looking at art. You can’t ever be wrong with art. You just makeup a story as to what you think the painting means and there would be no right or wrong answer. I love taking drives even two hours out just to go see a sunset or drive even further out if it means I get to see the stars. Things most people would find boring. There’s a lot more to it but I won’t make this a long post. Being yourself is the only thing that you should be in this world because it’s you. At the end of the day we only have one life and tomorrow is never promised.
We’ve all been through this at some point. When all our friends are in happy relationships and there you are the next Bridget Jones. Now being single is not a bad thing at ALL. This is actually the first time that I have been single in a while and it’s taking some getting used to. Being single does get a little lonely sometimes especially when you go out with your coupled up friends.
On Friday I met my friend Jenna and she was telling me about this guy she met, Tom. She was going on about how well he treats her and how happy she is so of course Im happy for her but a part of me could not help but wonder why I never met decent guys. I know you guys probably think I’m being dramatic but ask my friends, I have had some very controlling and toxic relationships. I’ve dated the nerdy guys, the muscular guys, what seemed like the nice guys but I always ended up hurt. This isn’t me losing hope or anything but its hard to stay optimistic. Anyways, Jenna went on to talk Tom and how much she loves him meanwhile I was downing a whole pizza by myself and pounding back cocktails because I could not relate. It’s an odd feeling, you’re happy for them but at the same time you wish it was you being all happy about a great guy.
Later on we moved to some arcade near by. At that point I was tipsy and killing it at skee ball but that didn’t stop me from ordering another drink. As we were sitting waiting for our drinks, it happened….more of our cuffed friends came along. Again there I was downing my cocktail like it was water while listening to how great their boyfriends were, how amazing it is to live with them, and all these future plans they had. I didn’t think it could really get much worse at that point…. until it did. As they were making plans to go on these triple dates, one of them actually looked at me and said ” Em, how is your love life going, anyone special?” I wish you guys saw my face at that very moment… I looked at her and said ” Nope, I was dumped over text by my boyfriend of one year and I was recently shut down by a guy who may or may not have the peter pan syndrome.” I don’t know why I love making things awkward by telling people way more information than they probably wanted to know. At that very moment I got the exact reaction that I was expecting, silence followed by the awkward “oh” response but don’t worry she went right back to talking about her relationship.
Usually when your friends are finally tired out of talking about their boyfriends they turn their attention on the single friend, in this scenario, its me. This is the part where they try to set me up. Jenna had this one friend named Joe. Joe was a dad, who was bald, lived on a ranch and worked at the post office. Now I did not except a Brad Pitt or young Johnny Depp look alike but come on. I know I should lower my standards but I dated guys who were in shape, guys who weren’t in shape at all, those who went to college and those who did not go to college. Just once I would like someone that meets my standards, I don’t think I’m being selfish when I say this.
And that was my Saturday night, See you next post.