If you’re reading this you are hurt or you have been hurt at some point. You see I have been hurt and I am still hurting. I hurt from all types of things but the main cause of my pain was and is love. Why should I let such a silly thing like love hurt me? The answer is simple, I care too much.
Having a big heart means that you are prone to a whole world of hurt in a lot of things, especially love. You meet these people who come into your life and because you are you, you let them in. You slowly let them remove one layer at a time until you are left naked. Naked and vulnerable. This person that you have trusted with your all now has the power to completely destroy you if they wanted too. You give them that power because you still believe in something amazing. Unfortunately not everyone in this world has a big heart, some are just there to suck the energy out of you until there is nothing left and that is when they disappear.
My heart has been shattered countless times by people who I didn’t even think could be capable of hurting me. Every time I would pick myself up, try trusting again and find myself right back on the bathroom floor crying, begging myself to be strong, closing myself off a little more each time. You would think id be used to the pain by now, but nope. The one thing that amazes me is that no matter how hurt I have been in the past, I would always let people in. I would give them the benefit of the doubt. Ignoring all signs and listening to meaningless words with no actions to follow. I’m learning slowly, very slowly. I know some people will say that I have done it to myself but I cant help it. I believe that there are decent human beings out there. I just wanted to feel something. Something other than pain from being let down countless times. To feel something other than pain caused by lies, secrets, cheating, walking away and the pain of believing that feelings were mutual. I wanted to know that it was possible to feel at peace and happy with another person. I can be happy and at peace on my own, anyone can but with another person? That is the real challenge of this day and age.
When you care too much you almost forget how much you are doing for others. You forget until you realize that you have lost yourself trying to make someone a better version of themselves. You put so much time and effort into people, believing in them and that they can change that you set yourself up for disappointment and hurt. You alter yourself trying to make another person happy because they have convinced you to do so. You start to think that its normal to settle and change and one day the wind is knocked out of you because that person you cared so much for is gone. You did everything and anything for them, you belittled yourself and put your pride aside for someone to take advantage of you and leave with a part of you.
Let me tell you this, we may care too much and maybe it is our fault but I would rather be the one hurting than being the person who caused this pain on another. When you are left hurt and trying to pick yourself up, think of it as ruins. Ruins may look broken, hopeless and sad but they aren’t, they lead to beauty. Just look at Rome or Greece, people from all over the world come to see the ruins and they are breathtaking and beautiful. Just like us, something beautiful will come out of this, I have to believe that. Don’t ever let the vampires take your light away. They will always be cold souls but you? No way, your light will shine again, it may take time but it will.