The Manipulator

Don’t you just love meeting one of these creatures? The manipulators, a breed that has only increased over the years. The only thing they are good at is fucking with your head and making you feel like absolute shit about yourself. Its not just me going through it with Al but my friends and sister too. They all have their own versions. Let me tell you guys some of the stories.

  1. My sister had met this guy named Steve. Now Steve has been stringing her along for seven months. They met at work, at first there was nothing really wrong with him. He was your average guy, so she thought. It started with making plans and him always cancelling them. When my sister had enough, he would sweet talk his way back in, making up some dumb excuse and making her feel bad. His argument was that he was too afraid to commit again because of his last relationship. Now seven months down the road I asked her what she was still doing holding on to this guy. My sister told me that he had finally said that he was ready to start dating her (how convenient). Right after he said that he did not talk to her for a week. A week goes by and I get a phone call from her. She was bawling her eyes out because Steve, the grown 40 years old man had posted a picture of him out on a date with another girl. She finally decided to block him, good for her because for the most of us that is hard to do.
  2. My best friend is the second story, now our friendship goes way back to high school. Her and I are the exact same person and seeing her and my sister go through this or anyone that I know or don’t know for that matter kills me. Hers is named Will. Will is a nurse that works at the same hospital as her. He was everything she was looking for (on paper). When they met it was amazing, she was so happy. He was a bit older than her but not by much. Just enough to have her thinking that he was mature (HA what a joke). He took her out to dinner to meet his friends, they would talk for hours, hangout and he even cooked her dinner at his place. After a few months she started developing feelings for this guy. Its like guys can sense when feelings become involved because right after that he told her he did not want anything serious. WHY are they never upfront with their intentions, seriously.  He had gotten out of a six years relationship and he thought it was his fault. My friend is a caring person so she tried to understand despite how hurt she was. Again this goes on for months.  She would ask to see him, he would barely ask her. I know what you’re all thinking but we have all been there. We think we can change them and we suffer. To make a long story short the last time they hung out they had a conversation. A long conversation that if I were her I would have killed him for having it with me. This guy had the nerves to look at her and tell her about all the girls he had slept with after her and that he had been talking to his ex again. WHO DOES THAT? She is still trying to get over him right now, she hasn’t looked at his social media or anything.
  3. Me, well guys I am just as much of a mess. My fantasy with Al had been slowly hurting me but this last week it actually did. I knew what my stupid self was doing seeing a guy who had told me he wanted me as well as other people after two months of us acting like we were dating (Read previous blogs for updates). He called me the other night. He was drunk and needed a ride, me being me I go and get him. He is drunk so you know how sweet they can get. At this point I thought I was numb to the pain and was slowly getting used to the idea that I was never gonna be enough for him. We get to his house and the words, the words he said just fogged my brain. Telling me that if I wasn’t in his life he would be hurt blah blah. I lost my pride and self respect that night. The next morning was what killed me. He took a phone call and was telling his friend how he went to the hotel hoping this one girl was there and he realized that I was right there so he tells his friend that he would tell him later. There I was the moron who picked him up from toga at 1 a.m, when he was also trying to get with someone else. I was convenient to him, literally was an option. Talk about slap in the face, why don’t you kick me in the crotch and spit in my face while were at it. I am way too nice to people who are not deserving. I knew he would be trying to go with other people but for some reason I did not want to believe it. I was holding on to what I thought was him instead of the reality of him. The ironic part is he kept telling me to stop thinking that he was an asshole….okayyyy.

I wanted to hurt him so bad, the same way he hurt me for months but I couldn’t. The pain I felt in my chest all day, the countless times that I had to swallow my tears but I couldn’t so I cried to my friends and my mom who wanted to murder him by the way. My mom did make me feel a bit better though. She said: “he is the one who is going to lose because to pass up a girl as amazing as you, is a big loss. He will never meet another one like you.” Honestly whenever I am upset she is the first person I go too. These guys, I don’t even know anymore. I have no words for them, just a lot of disappointment. I honestly partially blame some girls for allowing these guys to have that behavior (including me). We should not be treated that way or let someone treat us that way. It makes it look like its okay when its not. Why be so upset over someone you never really had? That is honestly something I am trying to figure out. Maybe its because we hold on to good memories and the what if ‘s that we ignore all the red flags. Seriously I tend to go for the opposite of what I need and even if I don’t I chose to ignore red flags when I shouldn’t. Right now I’m hurting, I’m not going to lie. I don’t even know what to think or do with myself but I keep pushing because I have been through worse. Letting go is something that I am terrible at doing, seriously it is so hard but I have to no matter how many sweet words the man speaks. The first step is erasing him from my life for good and that right there is the hard to do. The second is I really need to learn to respect myself and work on myself.  In fact I do have some pretty big changes coming up but I will tell you guys about it in another blog.

That One Single Friend

We have all been through this at some point. When all our friends are in happy relationships and there you are the next Bridget Jones. Now being single is not a bad thing at ALL. This is actually the first time that I have been single in a long time and it’s taking some getting used to. When you are single you actually have nothing to worry about at all but it does sometimes get a little lonely, like when you go out with your friends who all have boyfriends. I met my friend Jenna for dinner on Saturday night. She met this great guy, Tom who treats her so well and makes her so happy and of course I am happy for her but part of me could not help but wonder why I never met decent guys. I know you guys probably think I’m being dramatic but ask my friends, I have had some very controlling and toxic relationships. I have dated the nerdy guys, the muscular guys, what seemed like the nice guys and I always ended up hurt. I am not saying I’m losing hope but its hard to stay optimistic. So there I was listening to Jenna talk about how happy she is with Tom, and how much she loves him while I was eating a whole pizza by myself and pounding back cocktails.

An hour later we decided that we wanted to go to Dave and Busters. There is nothing I love more than arcade games. I was having fun, at that point I was tipsy and killing it at skee ball until we decide to go get more drinks. Jenna and I were sitting at a table when it happened….more of my cuffed friends came along. So again there I was downing my cocktail like it was water while listening to how great their boyfriends were, how amazing it is to live with them, and all these future plans they had. I didn’t think it could really get much worse at that point…. until it did. As they were making plans to go on these triple dates, one of them actually looked at me and said ” Em, how is your love life going, anyone special?” I wish you guys saw my face at that very moment… I looked at her and said ” Nope, I was dumped over text by my boyfriend of one year and I was recently shut down by a guy who may or may not have the peter pan syndrome.” I don’t know why I love making things awkward by telling people way more information than they probably wanted to know. At that very moment I got the exact reaction that I was expecting, silence followed by the awkward “oh” response but don’t worry she went right back to talking about her relationship.

Usually when your friends are finally tired out of talking about their boyfriends they turn their attention on the single friend, in this scenario its me. This is the part where they try to set me up. Jenna had this one friend named Joe. Joe was a dad, who was bald, lived on a ranch and worked at the post office. Now I did not except a Brad Pitt or young Johnny Depp look alike but come on. I know I should lower my standards but I dated guys who were in shape, guys who weren’t in shape at all, those went to college and those who did not go to college. Just once I would like someone that meets my standards, I don’t think I’m being selfish when I say this.

That was my Saturday night, have you ever been in a situation similar to mine? Let me know down in the comments or email me! See you next post.